"You've seen the meme. You know I'm not a big fan. But I'm also a little bored and want to be amused.
"So, with that in mind and in the spirit of George Carlin's "Things No One Has Ever Said:"
"Have you got something you've never want to say to anyone? Well, now's your chance to let the world know. There's need for comments directed at anyone, because I'm not turning anonymous posting on or IP logging off. It's more fun this way.
"I'll start: Please, for the love of god, help me get this screwdriver out of my eye.
"I can promise you, I never want to say that to anyone. Now you try. . ."