I woke up this afternoon from a nap feeling sad because of a dream.
She was a friend in college: kind, warm, loving; a big girl in all the best ways, especially her heart. We'd spent a lot of time together but never gotten involved, mostly from lack of interest on her part, partly from lack of communication on mine.
And I dreamed that we were a couple, that summer, which seemed plausible in the dream at least.
I felt she'd been neglectful, somehow, and--in the dream--I'd retaliated by giving her what I thought was a corresponding level of neglect. Unfortunately for me, for us, she'd then decided that the end of the summer would be a good time for the end of the relationship. And I was despondent.
I hadn't spoken to her in a good twenty years. And probably hadn't thought of her in ten. And yet.
Waking, I thought, what a silly way for me to behave. But not an inaccurate depiction of how I would have behaved, if it had all happened then.
And I'm left with the image of her, sleeping turned away from me in the bed, as I got up to walk away.