June 8th, 2005

I found some of my old journals over the weekend.

I'd completely forgotten I kept journals back when I was an undergrad. But I hung onto them. I was looking for other stuff when I came upon a binder and looked inside to see what it was, only to find I was looking at a dated page detailing what I'd felt and thought on first meeting with someone I haven't seen in ages.

I went to the next room and called bedfull_o_books. "I'm never going to make fun of anyone's LJ ever again!" I laughed. "This stuff is amazing! It reads just like some people's LJ's!"

She berated me for even opening them. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

"No, no, you don't understand!" I said. "It's funny. I mean, I really get this great perspective on how much better my life is nowadays. It's great!"

I'd only looked at a few pages of a thick pile when I started thinking, "Man, I just wanna tell this guy, 'Move over. I'll drive. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.'"

I don't know what's worse, reading about my obsessions about people I'd completely forgotten or reading about my first impressions--and obsessions--about people I later got involved with.

So many things seem trivial now that were totally overblown then. And so many things that I completely missed the importance of then are obvious now.

After a quick glance at those few random pages I decided I didn't have time for any more of this and put it back in the files. Well, I know where that is, if I ever need to find it again.

I still make plenty of mistakes now, but they don't have the psyche-shattering importance they did then, and I move on past them a lot more easily now. I guess I step a lot more lightly through life now, which probably makes me a lot more fun to be with, now that I think of it.

"Guy. Take it easy. It's all going to be fine."

I'm sure I wouldn't have listened. :)
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