October 1st, 2004

Top 10 Ways to Pick a Chili Fight

1. "Well, of course you put beans in chili. It's not chili without beans."

2. "Why'd you spend two hours cutting all that meat into cubes when we have perfectly good hamburger in the freezer?"

3. "Wow! That's almost as good as that stuff you get in the cans!"

4. "My daddy told me chili was invented in Cincinnati." (Works best if said to someone from San Antonio.)

5. "Honey, have you seen the oyster crackers?"

6. "Sorry, this is a dry county."

7. "It's too hot." (Closely followed by "It's not hot enough.")

8. "Trust me, it tastes just as good when you make it with tofu."

9. "I've figured out your secret ingredient."

10. "Mine is better than yours."

(From The Hardcore Chili Book, by request.)